garden day out + reflections of the past 8 months

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Dian Sarah is now 8 months! Nevermind that I completely left her birth story hanging (HAHAHAHAHA), look at this little squish! She’s hitting all her milestones alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah and she never fails to amaze me. Before being a mother, I thought it was the world’s biggest cliche to say “They grow up so quickly!” but oh my goodness, this is so true. I was crying in bed one night not too long ago, i’m talking about ugly crying with breathless sobs ok, just because “Sarah is no longer a baby!! waaaaa!!” My husband had to calmly reassure me that she will always be our baby, but not before slapping me back to reality because we co-sleep and I was legit crying so loudly that he was afraid I would wake her up LOL sorry.

I’ve had the time of my life being a mom. All jokes aside though, mothers all over the world, you deserve the MOST respect. Work at home mums, stay at home mums, working mums, ALL mums – you guys are the strongest group of people. I pray that all of us are granted lots of patience, strength, and determination to keep learning to be the best that we can be for our families. Even if you’re aspiring to be a mum, hats off to you for all the love you have and wish to spread to others. ❤

Even though it’s already been 4 months since I’ve re-entered the working world, things have been admittedly tough. I was so enthusiastic about starting work when I was at the tail-end of my maternity leave (blame my tak-boleh-duduk-diamness), but barely 2 weeks into the job, I found myself struggling to catch a breath of air.

When Term 3 started (I’m on Week 10! Teachers’ day is just round the corner), work really reared it’s ugly monstrous head. Term 3, and fellow teachers I know you know what I’m talking about, is basically a term of hell. I’m talking 9 weeks of not being able to come back on time because of exam duties, setting papers, non-stop remedial sessions, and this and that. You name it, I had to do it.  Not to mention the inevitable office politics that naturally happens with change of management and leadership. *rolls eyes* Idk if any of you can relate, but I find it hard to reconcile the pure innocence and immense joy I feel at home with my little one, and then to come to work and be surrounded by negativity and a sickening need for perfection. I CAN.NOT.

Mom’s guilt is always a thing, whether I like it or not. I have been practising this mantra of reminding myself, “Alhamdulillah for my job. This job that provides my family. This job that provides me with resources to help my husband in raising a child to the best of my ability.” This was something I came up with when I was grappling with the dilemma of whether I wanted to stop working to stay at home. I had to be practical, and given my reality and circumstances right now, I had to make certain sacrifices. Of course, staying at home is not totally out of the books yet. It’s a discussion my husband and I’ll bring up again when the time comes. For now, alhamdulillah always, for the good and the bad.

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